Article By: Ryker XL

Call me what you want, but I’m a pretty big Transformers nerd. I watched the cartoon when I was younger, graduated to the Japanese sagas that came later, and thoroughly enjoyed the CGI “Beast Wars” that came out a few years ago. Heck, I even collected the comics for a long run (mint condition issue #1 anyone?). So I was more than excited when the latest installment of the Transformer universe was to hit the big screen. I enjoyed the first movie immensely and even shared a “geek Dad” moment with my son as he reminded me who Optimus Prime was. So Tiny and I headed off to the theater last weekend to enjoy a second helping of giant robot goodness.

Sadly my hopes for something great were quickly dashed within the first fifteen minutes of this film.

Ever sit at the dinner table at Thanksgiving and marvel at all the delicious food, only to eat so damn much of it that you actually get sick and it ruins your day? That’s how I felt after watching “Transformers 2.” Director Michael Bay must feel that the best way to make a sequel is to throw 10 times MORE STUFF into the film. It’s two and a half hours of more explosions, more robots (reportedly 46), and more special effects. The editing at times made me feel like Bay actually had enough film to make a three hour extravaganza, but had to cut it down to get more showings. I honestly stopped counting the nonsensical jump cuts at 25.

What this film doesn’t have MORE of is plot, witty dialogue, or character development. For me the Transformers is all about the robots. Each one of them has a unique personality and how they behave in this galactic civil war adds to the cannon. Starscreem for example plays a very Shakespearean role of the power hunger servant looking for his chance to over throw Megatron and lead the Decepticons. While the first movie had some of that, this sequel has absolutely none. Robots just appear out of nowhere and start blowing stuff up. Tiny asked me several times who some of them where, I honestly couldn’t tell.

So instead of focusing on the Transformers themselves, who they are and why they do what they do, Bay allows us to see how we humans would interact with them. He does this by focusing even more on Sam Witwicky, played by the immensely talented Shia LeBeouf. We follow Sam as he leaves his HOT girlfriend (Megan Fox and seriously, the BEST part of this movie) and stupid parents to go to college. There he is possessed by a fragment of the all spark, and almost killed by equally hot Decepticon slutbot that seduces him. He and his new buddy Leo Spitz hook up with former Sector 7 commander Reggie Simmons to jaunt around the world in search of the Shard of Leadership that will save Optimus Prime. Honestly, I don’t care what the humans do in these movies, they should be secondary to the robots. But apparently Bay doesn’t believe an audience would buy into that so he focuses on the humans instead. He does this so well that there is a long chunk in the middle of the movie where we can all enjoy the acting prowess of the human characters with no real robot action whatsoever. Several jokes were tossed into these conversations, none of them even remotely funny.

Bay does introduce us to two new Autobots that I really wish we had LESS of. “Mudflap” and “Skids” are two Jar Jar Bings like Autobots that accompany Sam and Bumblebee as they attempt to find the shard that will revive a fallen Optimis Prime. Bay describes the antics of these two fools as that of “The Little Engine that Could.” I’m sorry but I never read childish antics, nor Ebonic dialogue in that classic tale. I cringed every time these robots talked knowing that something stupid was about to come out. There is even a scene where one of them appears t bite the farm, a smattering of applause was heard in my theater.

When it was all over I was left with this giant mess of a movie. I tried to wrap my head around what happened and where the story was going, and honestly couldn’t. I asked Tiny how he liked it…”Best movie ever!” Ok, I could see that, kids don’t necessarily need movies that make sense, or acting that is above that of a high school drama class. Tons of giant robots running around blowing stuff up for a few hours is great fun for them. To that end the movie has some merit; for kids and those who are more adept at checking everything out their brain when sit down in the theater, this movie can be enjoyable. For the rest of us, I would save your money and wait for the Directors cut of this film on DVD.

I’m not a big fan of Jessica Chobot. In fact, my feelings run more on the side of hate but this video uses her in a way that finally makes sense. From IGN, here’s a pretty damn funny take on the reality of “Milo”.

Thanks to Matt for pointing this one out to us!

It’s about right now somebody at your work will say something along the lines of “God damn. I can’t believe the year is half way over! This year is flying by!” Well it is. Just like it was when you said the same damn thing this time last year, you erroneous vassal. Yes it’s that time of year when videogame writers worldwide, who are completely out of ideas because of the lack of big game releases and news, start writing their “best so far!” lists of 2009. I’ve already read like eight of them so far this week. So, like the lemming that I am, I’ve decided to write one myself, but put my own spin on it. Let’s dig a little deeper and take a look at five underappreciated gems from the first half of 2009.

5. Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero?

As shown in my undying love and admiration for Ninja Gaiden, I love my action games to be really, really hard. I’ve always found the continued pussification of videogames to be somewhat disheartening, and so when a game gets released that likes to repeatedly kick the player in the jimmy, I like to applaud their efforts. This year, that game was Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero? A game made for people who thought Ultimate Ghosts ‘n Goblins was a tad on the easy side. In this old school 2D side scroller, only the brave should dare enter. The game gives you 1000 lives from the start for a reason, and you will die and die and die again on your way to retrieve Etna’s prized dessert. To defeat the final level, you will need the patience of a saint, the heart of a lion, the reflexes of a hummingbird, and the testicular fortitude of Ron Jeremy. I died 157 times on that level alone.

However it was worth it, as few games will give you the satisfaction from completion that Prinny will. Plus it’s a game where you get to play entirely as prinnies! I’ve wanted one of those for years!

4. Trash Panic

It took a couple of tries to finally “get” Trash Panic for me. I had absolutely no idea what to expect the first time I played it, so when the game kicked my ass on the first level, my initial reaction was not a positive one, especially since the game does a terrible job of explaining what the hell you’re supposed to even be doing. So I turned it off in anger and immediately thought about the things I could have spent that $5 on. However the very Japanese and totally bonkers art style and music brought me back for a second go, and once you “get it”, you’ll find a very original and fun puzzle game. However be forewarned: Like Prinny, this game gets really fucking hard, so be ready for a challenge if you want to finish it, but for $5, if you have a PS3, go download Trash Panic ASAP. You won’t regret it. Did I mention it’s only $5?
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So my current thing to watch while working has been the Persona 4 Endurance Run at Giant Bomb. After 40-odd episodes of monster battling and high school shenanigans I decided to try one of out and picked up the latest DS title.

Devil Survivor plays much like an Ogre Battle or other strategy RPGs. The characters form a party, deploy, and kick some demon butt while gaining experience and Macca, which can be used to purchase new demons. A fusion system also allows you to create demons with varying stats and skill sets.  It gets very deep very fast and your first few levels feel more experimental than anything else. Just the kind of thing John would love.

Again, Ogre Battle felt like this to me and I never got into it because of that. However, Survivor doesn’t seem to be overly punitive when it requires experimentation. There’s an easy way to back out of any decision after checking the results and I never felt screwed in a combat because I didn’t optimize enough.

Presentation in the game is functional if not gorgeous, with isometric sprite-based maps for the strategy sessions mixed with the standard immobile-portrait-in-front-of-you schtick that RPGs have been doing since forever. Dialogue is done with talking heads, and the art work here and on the portraits is quite nice. The sound is competent but not as well done as disc-based Atlus games, obviously. Nothing here is really pushing the DS hardware, but everything looks clean and detailed.

Storywise, Devil Survivor is the bastard child of a JRPG and a B disaster movie. Basically demons are eating dudes, the government’s locked down the area, and you and your friends are surviving by summoning your own demons with modified DSes (yes, it looks just as goofy as it sounds, but the game has a bizarre logic that makes this work) and kicking some tail. The video game console also grants you magical demon ass-kicking powers, so your guys do some fighting as well. Take that, Pokemon guy. Most of the game is played through a menu of locations, with indicators showing that you can to go a place and either fight some dudes or get some plot or both.

Time passage also becomes important in the game, as in most Atlus titles. This time you’re gauging things by the half-hour, with events happening at specific times each day. Some things cost no time at all, and early on your party gets the ability to freely grind combats (allowing you some ability to rebuild if you fuse the wrong creatures, for instance) without advancing the plot.

None of these factors really sound stellar, but somehow they tie together to make something far greater than the sum of the parts. I started this up Saturday and my DS hasn’t been off since. Making new demons and tweaking their abilities becomes addictive very quickly, and the combat is enjoyable and relatively quick. Think Pokemon-style battles, not John’s recent “hit A until they all die” experiences. I’ve also never felt the need to grind anything, but have done so just to buy more demons at the auction house and fuse them into new things.

Recommended? It depends on what you want in a DS game. Survivor is a good pick up and play game, as most individual segments of gameplay run about 5 minutes or less and everything can be paused in the middle of the action. The demon auction feature literally takes place in 5 second spurts of bidding that feel like something out of Wario Ware. But, while the fusing system seems interesting and varied, I can see it growing stale if I have to fuse 8 different creatures for one result, or plow through a half-hour tactics battle. Until then I’m loving it. If you’re an Atlus fan or just looking for a somewhat different SRPG, this is likely going to be your game. No online multiplayer, which is weird with the whole emphasis on the wireless communication powers of the DS, but whatever.  You’ll definitely get your $30 worth out of this.

Toodles.

Alright, so Batman’s dead. What next? After Grant Morrison’s head-scratching conclusion to Final Crisis and Batman R.I.P., we were left wondering what the hell just happened and what the hell is going to happen now? I mean, how did DC plan on continuing the story of Gotham City without its most compelling Gothamite? Because, let’s face it, Batman’s supporting cast aren’t nearly as strong or appealing as The Dark Knight.

Publishers are always staging big events like this. Hell, they “killed off” Superman years ago and Marvel “killed off” Captain America. So I wasn’t surprised when DC announced they were going to “kill off” Batman. I was, however, surprised by how baffling Grant Morrison’s narrative was; how they chose to handle the “death” (notice all the quotes I’m using?) of one of their biggest characters. After all, you’d think after you just pulled off the highest-grossing and most critically-acclaimed superhero film of all time you’d want to handle this major event in a way that, I don’t know, made sense without consulting an FAQ.

Yet, as surprising as the actual death was, what is more surprising is just how good the post-death Batman comics have been. Seriously, Batman comics haven’t been this well-written and enjoyable in years. An amazing feat considering the lack of…Batman.

It was no big shock that the post-R.I.P. event “Battle for the Cowl” would result in Dick Grayson wearing the costume. He was the one most suited for the job and the one who seemed to want it the least. It made me sad to see the Nightwing comic end when it was arguably the best it had ever been, but seeing Dick as Batman just, strangely, felt right. And it was the way the process was written that sold it. Dick understood what Batman meant to the city and that the lack of Batman would result in utter chaos. Others tried to fill Bruce’s shoes. Hell, even nutso Jason Todd got in on the action. But Nightwing-to-Batman felt like a natural transition.

But then the question was, “What about Robin?” Surely Tim Drake wasn’t going to play second fiddle to Dick Grayson. Instead, Bruce’s petulant son Damian was the natural fit as the new Robin. He did, after all, just lose his father and has a serious need for discipline and guidance. Dick takes Damian under his wing (so to speak) and together they go out and kick ass in the new Batman & Robin series, which is only two issues in and already the best Bat-series I’ve read in years. Together with Alfred, Dick and Damian keep the streets of Gotham under control while using eachother to deal with their grief over losing Bruce.

The last part of that sentence is key. The thing that really holds these books together is the family bond and shared grief of the main players: Alfred, Dick, Tim, and Damian. And this grief is what drives Tim in his new series: Red Robin. Convinced that Bruce is alive, or unwilling to accept his death (however you chose to interpret it), Tim takes on the persona of Red Robin and travels the globe to search for clues of Bruce’s whereabouts. His determination, of course, gets him into all sorts of trouble and he winds up having run-ins with international villains. And though the action is great in Red Robin, it’s really Tim’s internal struggle and moments of self-doubt that make this a book worth reading.

And then there’s the oldest of the Batman books: Detective Comics. This one’s more of an unknown as it features Kate Kane as the new Batwoman. It’s intriguing so far, but seems to be more of a side-story to the whole “Batman Reborn” series. However, the panel layouts are among the most creative I’ve ever seen.

So there you have it. You are now up to speed on the world of Gotham, post-Batman. Having spent the last several years stubbornly waiting for Bat-books to be good again, I’m glad to see that the wait is finally over. I just never thought it would take killing off the lead character to make it happen.

Every wonder about that day when we create something that may eventually turn on us? Some may think in terms of Terminator but others know that the eventual destruction of the world by advanced technology will come in a much more..sinister manner.

Well, ever vigilant reader Matt has discovered a video that may signal the beginning of the end. It’s funiture that is designed to destroy household pests. But, really, can it be that long before these things evolve to destroy other household pests? Namely….HUMANITY!

I think not. Read and fear.

Masters of all things retro in the world of gaming and Certified Patrons of the Drunken Gamers Radio Podcast, The GOAT Store has been a Robot Panic community favorite for years. No matter what you’re looking for in terms of your favorite old videogames, chances are the GOAT Store has it.

Dan Loosen and Gary Heil, the men behind the GOAT Store, have announced a relaunch of their web portal. I’ll let them fill you in on the details. This was taken from a post made at the VGEvo.com forums:

Gary and I just yesterday night relaunched the new GOAT Store site! It’s still *very* beta, but it should give everyone a good idea of what we’re working toward. What is working right now is:

- New product listings with the game title only listed once, icons display what you can get with that particular game
- New individual product pages, showing the exact variations of the game that we have in stock and what they contain

It may not seem like much, but it was quite a lot of work to transfer our database over to this point. It still isn’t 100%, but we’re going to relaunch this part (and allow ordering again ) while we complete some other stuff. If anyone wants to take a look at it and tell us what you think (post on here, PM or email me), I’d greatly appreciate it — the site is at http://www.goatstore.com/

We intend on adding in the near future the following features:

- Collection tracking. You will be able to track your collection of any console that we carry, including packaging that you have for games. We’re then going to work on making this mobile so you can have it on your phone when you walk into the local game store and are wondering if you need ____ for whatever console you collect for.
- Reward Program. Each time you make a purchase at the GOAT Store, you will get a certain number of rewards points that you will be able to use toward special bonuses, exclusive items and more!
- Game pictures. The plan is to add screenshots or cartridge shots through time to various items.
- Updated search and filters. You’ll be able to search for games that contain exactly what you want them to. Let’s say you collect boxed SNES games, so you only want to see SNES games that include good boxes. As a member, you’ll be able to filter it so that you see any SNES games we have in stock with good boxes, and what the starting prices are just for those.

Enjoy! And please do tell us what you think!

Congratulations to Dan and Gary on the relaunch. Everyone should stop on by and give some love to the GOAT Store. And by love, I mean all your cash. You can find the GOAT Store by following the link in the sidebar or by clicking here.

Hilden is out this week with the birth of his new daughter and that means John and Moe are off the chain this episode. Let it be known that Robot Panic.com takes no responsibility for anything that is said during this episode. If you manage to be among the few who are not insulted, we’ve got a DS heavy Review Segment with Art Style: Box Life, Knights in the Nightmare and Flower, Sun and Rain. We read your letters, return with another 5 Things and have a special guest in Our Feature Presentation, as DJ Incompetent Presents Music Discovery. Find the track listing after the break.

Thanks for listening!

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SHOWNOTES

DSiWare Review: Art Style-Box Life
DS Review: Knights in the Nightmare
DS Review: Flower, Sun and Rain
Retro Review: Invaders from Hyperspace! (Odyssey 2)
Our Feature Presentation: DJ Incompetent Presents Music Discovery
Five Things
The Last Shot
DGR Mailbag

DGR: 06.27.2009

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Years ago, when I first started watching The Iron Chef, Morimoto was always my favorite of the bunch for not only the incredible-looking dishes he served up, but also for his winning personality. He’s a guy who comes off as charming, humble, and altogether likable in whatever he’s in, whether it be the original Iron Chef program, its American remake, or the countless other Food Network shows he’s appeared in. Several months ago, I talked about my trip to Bobby Flay’s restaurant in Las Vegas, the Mesa Grill, and while it was definitely a cool experience and the food was wonderful, in my mind Mr. Flay is no Morimoto and the chance to eat at Morimoto’s restaurant in Philadelphia was far more exciting to me.

My wife and I made reservations a few days prior. Unfortunately, because we were planning on eating Saturday evening, we were only able to nab reservations for 9pm. I don’t mind eating late, but for the meal we were about to be served, dining well into the night was not ideal.

You see, friends of ours had eaten at Morimoto’s and recommended the Chef’s Choice, or “Omakase”. The idea behind the Omakase is that it’s a sampling of different items on the menu with the intent of giving you a feel for Chef Morimoto’s dishes. The Omakase ranges in price from “$80 – $120 and up”, the price apparently increasing with the quality of ingredients, according to our waitress. We decided to “cheap out” and go with the $80 option.

But first things first: the bar.

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Now that we’re all done recovering from Dear Zachary two weeks ago, it’s time to dive headfirst into something heavier. Not heavy emotionally, but mentally. This week’s film is the independent mind-bending time travel movie Primer.

Written, shot and completed for only $7,000, the film by former engineer and mathematician Shane Carruth won the Grand Jury prize at the Sundance film festival in 2004. Theh film follows two friends who, while attempting to build a superconductor in their garage, accidentally create a time machine. But the more they use the machine, the more they begin to distrust one another, worrying that the other is using the machine for nefarious purposes or to double-cross them. Primer’s real claim to faim, however, is the fact that Carruth wrote the film intent on not “dumbing down” any of the technical jargon. Much of the dialogue in the beginning of the film is nigh incomprehensible, but is written and delivered in such a way to keep the audience excited, despite being in the dark. The film is also renowned for being, at least on the first viewing, absolutely impossible to fully understand. As the film progresses, the time-jumping plot becomes more and more tangled within itself, mirroring the duo’s relationship spiraling out of control at the same time. The film is told in a non-linear fashion–or at least I think it was. After multiple viewings and plenty of time to mull it over, I’m still not sure exactly how things happened. However, even after I saw it the first time, I knew that it was one hell of a watch, even if I wasn’t sure what was going on.